We all dream of falling in love and being happy, but often instead of love we get a strong passion and an obsessive emotional attachment on the subject of adoration. Such a feeling brings pain and frustration, it literally kills a person as a person. In psychology, this condition is called "addiction."
What is love addiction
This is the strongest passion, but not love. Psychologists compare it with other types of human addiction, such as alcohol, drugs, or gambling addiction. Love addiction is a psychological problem that often cannot be cured without the help of a specialist. However, most people take this feeling for love and continue to suffer, not knowing how to overcome emotional dependence on a person.
Comparing two feelings that, at first glance, seem similar, psychologists distinguish a number of differences:
- If the first is characterized by trust in a loved one, then the second causes a passionate desire to constantly control your soul mate. Almost always, such dependence is accompanied by a feeling of jealousy.
- Love and love addiction differ in purpose. In the second case, a person has one goal - to live not his life, but the life of an object of passion. Your values go by the wayside, priority is the desire of the partner.
- Over time, a woman sees many shortcomings in her man, but cannot refuse him.
- Dependence on the subject of passion is almost always accompanied by self-doubt.
- If in love partners are individuals, then in a relationship of dependence on each other, they live according to the scenario: you have to become the way I want.
- In a state of love, people spend time together because they are so comfortable, but they do not suffer in separation. In a relationship of dependence - partners suffer even when parting for several days.
- Love develops a personality, makes it self-perfect. Depending, the opposite is true. A person loses himself, he is sad, suffers, becomes angry and confused. This condition must be treated.
- The state of dependence in most cases occurs with unrequited, non-reciprocal love.
Passion and love
Books and songs are written about these two feelings, but if the second brings happiness and does not give in to time, then the first passes quickly. In addition, other differences can be distinguished in mad passion and love. A man in a passionate passion does not obey the mind and is capable of the most unpredictable acts. A storm of emotions boils in it, new desires appear, for example, to go in for sports, to start drawing. He wants to do good deeds for others.
The following physical signs of passion are:
- distraction and carelessness;
- rapid pulse;
- dilated pupils;
- increased sexual desire;
- trembling hands.
What is the difference between love and love
Falling in love, like hypnosis, it is an obsession to always be with a partner, even without reciprocity. The real feeling is always mutual, arises with full trust and respect for each other. Love differs from falling in love in that the first comes unnoticed and leaves slowly or does not leave at all, and the second flies in like a hurricane and quickly disappears. Falling in love is happiness, but when it becomes addicted, life turns into torture. A person who does not know how to cure himself, how to get out of love, gradually loses his personality.
How to understand whether you love or are in love depending on the relationship? To understand this, you do not need to study psychology. Dependence is characterized by specific signs:
- The assurances of acquaintances that this person is not a couple to you causes irritation.
- The symptom of addiction is the fact that you constantly think about the subject of passion.
- Are you sure that the most important thing in life is love.
- Even the thought of loneliness drives one crazy.
- To part with it is tantamount to the end of the world.
- Dependence is always accompanied by jealousy, perhaps a desire to avenge irresponsibility.
- Self-interest for the benefit of the partner.
- In order not to lose the subject of passion, you are ready to forgive him anything.
How to get rid of addiction
In this case, knowledge from the psychology of relationships will help. To solve the problem, various methods are proposed, for example, such a simple practice as "visualization":
- You understand that you are dependent on the person and want to fight this.
- Introduce it mentally and consider it carefully.
- To get rid of addiction, imagine how a rope stretched between you. One end is attached to you, the other to him. Mark where it is attached, how strong it is, how it feels and looks.
- Try to break this rope for a moment. Most people at the same time feel uncomfortable, because this connection has long been the goal.
- Answer the question: "What do you expect from a partner?". And then think: "What benefit will it bring me?". Do not rush, find deep motivation.
- Imagine that you are standing on the right, but already with resolved problems. How you look, how you move. Touch yourself in your thoughts.
- Turn to the subject of your addiction and again imagine a strong bond between you. Cut the rope and tie its second end to yourself, standing on the right.
- Look again at the person you cut the connection with. Imagine that the torn end of his connection has joined him again.
- Get back to your updated.
- Think about how easy it will be for you to communicate with other people. That's all, from now on you know how to kill the love of a man in yourself, so start acting. Perform the exercise as needed.
The technique of psychotherapy described above provides only temporary relief. The problem is that the relationship of co-dependence is established in childhood and often it is not possible to solve them independently. To love addiction from a man gone from your life, do the following:
- Get rid of all his gifts.
- Write him a letter of thanks and say goodbye.
- Do not call, temporarily do not communicate with mutual friends.
- Do not complain to girlfriends - they are more likely to do harm than help.
- Take a vacation.
- Allow yourself to be imperfect and engage in self-education.
- Do not rush to enter into a new relationship, you need to be alone for a while.
- Think of yourself and do not remember the past.
- How to overcome dependence on a person? Free time is your enemy, fill it to the maximum.
- Write in a notebook how you feel. After some time, it will be interesting to re-read and understand how everything has changed.
To a married man
To cope with trouble, the Orthodox Church offers to turn to Orthodoxy, pray and ask God for deliverance from obsession. Psychologists advise to go on a long trip. New meetings, nature, impressions will not let you get bored. How to overcome love addiction? Need to get distracted. To do this, choose extreme sports or learning something new. Someone is mastering a parachute, someone is pottery - all methods are good.
If you do not know how to get rid of a love affair for a married man, remember the most important thing - you need to expand your circle of interests, because now it has narrowed to one person. A new meaning of life is needed. You can volunteer or look for a place where you can benefit. Deliverance will be easier if your family and friends support you.
There is a misconception that only a woman can get into a relationship of dependence. A girl is also able to leave a man at the peak of a relationship. The difference is that the guy will not advertise his depression, considering it a manifestation of weakness. A man prefers to experience everything inside himself and to cope with anguish and pain on his own, so people around him often do not suspect how unhappy he is. How to overcome a man’s love addiction?
When a woman is ill, she goes to see a specialist. A man tries to free himself from attachment on his own. If love cannot be returned, he can plunge into alcoholism or carnal joys, commit suicide. According to statistics, one out of eight suicides goes for it because of emotional devastation. Dependence in men is caused by low self-esteem and treatment should be to increase it. Start doing your favorite business or self-development. If such therapy does not produce results, it is worth thinking about changing the place of residence for a while.
First you need to understand that the problem exists and try to get to the bottom of the reason for this condition. If a child grew up in shortage of parental love, then his whole life he will seek this feeling in other people. To get rid of psychological dependence on a person, you have to learn to love yourself. If you can’t do it yourself, you need to contact a specialist.