In the life of modern married couples there comes a moment when it becomes clear that continuing the relationship does not make sense. A divorce can be initiated by both partners or by one person - as a rule, men more often leave the family. If this happens, it is difficult for a woman to imagine how to survive this stage in life. Psychologists note that the loss of a loved one as a result of a break in relations is in second place after the death of a close relative. In order to quickly return to normal life, it is important to understand the reasons that led to the divorce, and draw up an action plan.
Why women are very worried about divorce
It is believed that it is much more difficult for women to survive a divorce, and this is not surprising - more than half the time, male partners leave the family. This is mainly due to the appearance of another woman, and this is a strong blow to the self-esteem of an already ex-wife. At first, it will be difficult to keep oneself from comparing with the one to which the husband went, questions will come into my head: what am I worse? It is important to understand that there is no main culprit in a divorce - as a rule, both partners “work” for a long time to destroy their own relations.
It is also difficult to survive a divorce for the reason that not only the home situation is changing (no one else waits at home after work if there are no children), but an almost entirely new way of life is being formed. Common friends disappear, possibly misunderstanding by relatives. If there is a child, he is also very stressed. Often the process of separation is accompanied by a scandal, which further spoils relations with the ex-husband. To prevent divorce from affecting the psyche of children, the following steps must be taken:
- Talk to your child. Explain why the divorce occurred (but keep silent about the unpleasant details that expose the husband in an unfavorable light). It’s good if you gain strength to have a conversation with your son or daughter together with your former partner, because the child is not to blame for your divorce - it is important for him to know that he is loved.
- Do not forbid your husband to see the child. No matter how strong the resentment against the ex-spouse, the child is better off growing up with his father, even if they will only see each other periodically. This will allow your children to avoid guilty feelings and will not create psychological problems.
- Do not use children trying to maintain a relationship with her husband. Although divorce is painful, scary, and sad, it’s important to understand that this is the end. Maybe in the future, if you work on the mistakes, you will be able to take a fresh look at each other, but that will be other people and other relationships. A child should not be a way to get her husband back after a divorce.
The hardest part is going through a divorce for women who sincerely loved their partner and devoted all their time to the family. For the fair sex, a husband is not only a person who brings money, but also the main support, support, true friend. Psychologists have identified the reasons why women experience divorce much more strongly:
- The priority for most women is the family, when men are more focused on career advancement.
- After the divorce, the ex-wife has a big responsibility - raising children. Almost entirely, this process rests on her shoulders, which is difficult to combine with study or work.
- For ex-wives it is much more difficult after a divorce from a husband to start life from scratch and a new relationship, especially if there are children.
Psychologists advice on how to survive a divorce from your husband
Experiencing severe pain, women during a divorce and after it go to a consultation with a psychologist. An experienced specialist gives the ex-wife useful tips that help to cope with the situation and develop the right attitude. Together with a psychologist, a woman looks at the situation in a new way, analyzes relations with her husband, gets rid of negative thoughts and feelings. If it is not possible to visit a professional during a divorce, you need to act autonomously, following the advice of a specialist.
The first thing that psychologists recommend doing is forgive the ex-husband. For a woman who has just survived a divorce, this may seem ridiculous. Sometimes resentment is so strong that it does not subside for years. But forgive, even after the first month alone, you must definitely try. According to statistics, women who have maintained friendly relations with their ex-husband and who were able to give him forgiveness for leaving, recover much faster, build families and are generally more successful than those who for years have been unable to get rid of unpleasant emotions towards their partner.
Get rid of the negativity
The period after the divorce is not so terrible as the first night spent in the status of a divorced woman, and the first next morning. It is imperative for several days not to be alone. It is advisable to call an understanding friend who can comfort and endure your tears. Do not keep emotions in yourself: say what you think. Feel that there is a reliable friend near you who has come to the rescue. In order to survive the divorce from her husband easier, the first time will require comfort from the outside. Give yourself a few days to pour out the negativity, and then pack up and start a new life with a smile.
Do not keep emotions to yourself: communicate with relatives and friends
After the departure of her husband, women do not leave a feeling of emptiness, confusion and loneliness, because all plans and dreams were associated with this man. It is especially difficult for those who have a child during marriage, because then it is even more difficult to make an effort to let go of the past. In the period after the divorce, it is necessary not to limit communication, but rather to try to make contact with your beloved relatives, friends, friends, colleagues. It will be useful to attend exhibitions and cinemas together. This is necessary to prevent the appearance of depression when breaking up with her husband.
Be confident in yourself
The best way to add confidence is to communicate with people who are positive about you, make a stylish haircut, hairstyle, beautiful makeup and arrange a photo shoot with a professional. Remember that divorce is not the end of life, but the way to arrange it of your own free will. Imagine how much you can achieve without your ex-husband. Believe that divorce is the best way for you. Remember the negative aspects of your relationship, write down the advantages of a free life after breaking up with your husband, feel relief from the breakdown.
Program yourself for happiness and new relationships
When experiencing a divorce, it’s important not to program yourself to the fact that you will never be able to fall in love again. Women, divorcing her husband, for many years eschewed a new relationship, because they feel the fear of repeated loss. It is important to step over this emotion and leave it behind. There can be many reasons for a divorce, but as a rule, people simply do not fit together. If you did not work out with this man, then there is one whose character will be in perfect harmony with yours, who have the same goals in life, plans, who value the family above all else.
You should not try to start a new relationship almost immediately after the divorce from your husband. Some advise using this as a cure for heavy feelings, but basically trying to replace the former partner with new frivolous acquaintances does not lead to anything other than severe disappointment. Allow yourself a slight flirt, feel that you are attractive to the opposite sex, but do not immediately try to find a new love, do not rush to the neck of the first person who showed attention after a divorce from her husband.
In addition, before you build a relationship with a new partner, you must change internally. Try to understand what was wrong with the marriage, what factors led to the divorce. As a rule, it’s not only the ex-husband who is to blame - both partners become catalysts for scandals, misunderstandings, and, as a result, breakups. After analyzing a failed marriage, you can prevent such mistakes in the future, you will become wiser.
Proven ways to get back to normal
- Throw away all old and unnecessary things. Experiencing a divorce, you need to try to minimize the impact of negative factors on the psyche. One of them is co-purchased or acquired little things (old tickets for a concert or in a movie, books, souvenirs, magnets with cities from travels where you traveled together). Throw away everything that reminds you of your ex-husband or donate things to charity. You will be surprised how much easier it will be to live after the disappearance of these things.
- Start repairing the house. A great way to easily survive a divorce from your husband is to radically change the situation. To do this, it is not necessary to move to another rented apartment (although this option is suitable), it will be ideal to make repairs. For example, you can stick a wallpaper of a new color, sew beautiful curtains, throw away the old one and buy new furniture. If you can’t make repairs during a divorce from your husband, get busy with general cleaning and rearrange.
- Change the image and hairstyle. It is advisable to change the old image that you had before the divorce from your husband. A new haircut, a visit to the solarium and beauty salons will help you take a fresh look at yourself and give you confidence. Divorce time is a great reason to take care of yourself. To change the image even more dramatically, get new clothes, see yourself in an unusual way. If you had a business style when you divorced your husband, buy romantic dresses and vice versa.
- Buy yourself a pet. If your family with your husband did not have children, it is difficult to be completely alone in the evenings. There is a way out - this is the acquisition of a pet. A cheerful, kind and positive pet who sincerely loves you will help you survive a divorce. In addition, you can take the animal from the shelter, thereby doing a truly good deed - this will also become the impetus for "recovery."
- Sign up for a gym or dance. If you have long planned to take up your own figure, now is the ideal time to enroll in a gym to improve your health and work on an attractive body. But remember that you are not doing this for the sake of your ex-husband so that he "knows that he has lost." The motivation should be different - changes in oneself, energy gain, self-improvement.
- Take a trip. Surviving a divorce will help the journey. Remember with what feeling you return from trips? This is a feeling of freshness, full of strength, bright thoughts appear in the head. A trip to another country or city is a great opportunity to quickly survive an unpleasant breakup. In addition, while at the resort, you can flirt with men without a twinge of conscience, increasing confidence in their attractiveness.
Video: how to adapt after a divorce from her husband
Survive a divorce from her husband as quickly as possible and without serious psychological consequences - such a goal should be pursued by a woman when breaking up. The host of the next video shares her experience and advice with the fair sex, helping to cope with the breakdown of family relationships. The woman insists that negative, heavy, painful emotions in the first few weeks (even months) are a normal reaction to your loss of a loved one. To make it easier to survive a divorce, see the host’s recommendations regarding the behavior of a divorcing woman: